Friday, November 28, 2008

Silent sense of content

So finally, a little piece of serenity. A break from school, roomates, and family.

Thanksgiving was good, considering it is only, I was happy to be with family and be on my way back to my apartment at school.

I am realizing a lot of changes going on. I am doing things I would have never done a year ago... or even 6 months ago. I would never regret anything I have done; however there is clearly a reason for my actions and my feelings, and I can not put my finger on it.

I don't feel like myself, parts of me are dying, and I am not sure if they can be brought back to health. I don't know if I am depressed, which is weird cuz... we ALL know what that feels like...

I just am not sure how I feel about life, whatever the fuck that means... not sure what my role is... and if it is even important. I feel like I am here, waiting, ignorant to whats to come... that I am insignificant....

I have not felt that way since I was younger, I have transformed from a scared lil boy, to a confident strong willed young adult, to a confused and scared 21 year old... I feel like my grandmother would have some words for me... I miss her

my temporary remedy will have to be Amy, she knows what to say.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

So... wow...

Is it possible to have everything you want and not being happy.

Granted, many things have gone wrong in my life but as of now... I am pretty chill, on the outside at least. What a mess I have become.

I am sorry.. I've never been this way-

show me the way outta here!